Commitment

It’s like my inner darkness outside.  I lay here in my bed contemplating where the my own darkness ends, and the night darkness begins.  They blend well together.  Almost like a relationship.
As I lay here, the word commitment begins to flow in a soft halo behind my eye lids. Commitment.  Commitment.  Commitment.
A younger, naive part of me believes that word means a companionship, or relationship.  Maybe even “Marriage”.  That younger part of me is a strong argument for that kind of understanding.  Simplistic.  Innocent.  Uneducated.
The older me, the one who has learned the beauty and ugliness of commitment, has found another path.  Another understanding.  A more grounded thinking of that word.
I have learned to be committed to...me.
My commitment is to me myself and I.
I commit to being a better version of myself today than I was yesterday, or a week ago; or even a lifetime ago.
I commit to understanding there is always another option, and YES!  Failure is totally acceptable and is at some points, the only option.
I commit to learning and processing every mistake, missed opportunity, FAILURE.
I commit to knowing I am perfectly imperfect and I have time to improve.
I commit to grow continually.  To challenge myself; to be more than even I think I can be.
I commit to being softer, but still fierce.
I commit to try to be unapologetic, to stand strong against all the word winds  that disagree and contradict.
I commit to knowing that being alone, isn’t a bad thing, or the end of the world.
I commit to love myself, and others.
I commit to The Golden Rule.
I commit to not let other hold me back from my dreams, my goals, wishes and secrets.

Commitment.  To thine own self, be true.

Whatever comes next, I’m committed.

Time...

Time is a silly, wonderous thing.

It passes by, silent, observant in it’s moment.  Another second, poof.  Gone.  Did you notice?
Do you feel it ticking?  How unique that chime must be.  Time must have it’s own sound.  Incomprehensible to man.  It must have it’s own touch, smell and taste.
Time must be elusive.

And yet...

Time grants us the beauty of growth.  The impossibleness of teaching patience.  It allows us to feel it stop; just for a second.  It grants us a second.  Think about that.  If I saw you, time would give me one second to memorize you, to engrain you into my mind.  To allow you to exist in my realm of reality.

What a gift  to process.  Time allowed me to wait to find you and vice versa.  Time allowed me to remember your flawed smile, your twinkle; and time gave me years to get to know you.
You may be one, or you may have been many.  That is my secret.

The best thing about time, is how it allows you to heal.  To remember, to mourn and grieve.  To smile and laugh.  To be angry.  To cry.  Time allowed us to be us; together and apart.  I have memories upon memories of the good, the bad, the indifferent.

Time is no man’s friend.  It only allows for so much to be done in a finite moment. It moves on relentlessly as we object to it’s progression.  We yearn for longer moments, for things to stay the way they are.  Time is cruel in its advancement.  There is the lesson.

We cannot stop the tides of time, nor change them.  We can accept and realize what we truly are, and what time is.
Time is magic.

Don’t waste the precious little we have.  I won’t.